Healthy life through forgiveness

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your achievements, your colleague sabotaged a project or your spouse hurts your feeling. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. 

Scientific researches show that anger is a state of mind that seriously damages human health. Forgiveness, on the other hand, even if it comes hard to people, is pleasing, an aspect of superior morals, that eliminates all the harmful effects of anger, and helps the individual to enjoy a healthy life, both psychologically and physically. 

Forgiveness can lead to: 

1. Healthier relationships 
2. Greater spiritual and psychological well-being 
3. Less anxiety, stress and hostility 
4. Lower blood pressure 
5. Fewer symptoms of depression 
6. Lower risk of substance abuse 

The true aim of forgiveness must be to please Allah. Just as it is important to believe in the mercy and forgiveness of Allah, it is also necessary to base human relations on forgiveness. We cannot expect Allah’s forgiveness unless we also forgive those who do wrong to us. Forgiving each other, even forgiving one’s enemies is one of the most important Islamic teachings. 

We must keep in mind that as much as we need Allah’s forgiveness for our own sins and mistakes, we must also practice forgiveness towards those who do wrong to us. The Holy Qur'an speaks highly of forgiveness and overlooking shortcomings. Forgiveness is such a sweet and divine word that it is equal to love. 

The benefits of which have been scientifically identified, have been revealed in many verses of the Qur’an: 

1. Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good (A-li'Imraan 3:134) 
2. Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; But turn away from the ignorant”. (Al-A'raaf 7:199) 
3. Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds, and, when they are angry even then forgive; (Asy-Syuura 42:37) 
4. The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah. For (Allah) love not those who do wrong. (Asy-Syuura 42:40) 
5. But indeed if any show patience and forgive, that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs. (Asy-Syuura 42:43) 
6. O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (At-Taghaabun 64:14) 

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might try these 7 steps to reach a state of forgiveness: 

1. Consider the value of forgiveness as stated in the Qur'an and its importance in your life at a given time. 
2. Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. 
3. When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you. 
4. Do not rebuke anyone when you notice his faults and failings. 
5. Forgives and forgets others’ faults. 
6. When someone wrongs you, you should do good to them. 
7. Perceives no fault in other people, so there is no question of forgiving them. 

Life is short. Let us not waste our energy on being angry at anyone. Remember our own shortcomings before we reflect on the shortcomings of others. Let us stop victimizing ourselves and think about how we have victimized others, and then seek their forgiveness. If they ask our forgiveness, let us always grant it to them. The Prophet (SAW) taught us that: “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy” (Al-Bukhari). We must keep in mind that however we treat others is how Allah will treat us.

References: 

1. Tafseer of Al-Quran in English
2. Forgiveness in Islam
3. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
4. Very Beautiful Hadith and Forgiveness in Islam
5. Forgiveness and Tolerance in Islam

5 ways to practice gratitude

Gratitude or syukur means thankfulness, counting our blessings, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging everything that we receive. It means learning to live our life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much we’ve been given.

Gratitude shifts our focus from what our life lacks to the abundance that is already present. To say we feel grateful is not to say that everything in our lives is necessarily great. It just means we are aware of our blessings. 

Islam teaches that Allah is bounteous, merciful, loving, providing and infinitely gracious. Actively and consciously practicing gratitude in Islam is the key to a life of abundance, prosperity, peace and joy. 

Furthermore, the Qur’an emphasizes that gratitude is essential to Islamic character, and that exercising gratitude in Islam is the means to greater abundance. 

“And remember! Your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If you are grateful, I will add more (favors) unto you; But if you show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed." (Ibrahim :7) 

Research by Dr. Emmons revealed that the practice of gratitude can results in a person to:

1. Increase happiness levels by around 25%, 
2. Be more creative, 
3. Bounce back more quickly from adversity, 
4. Have a stronger immune system that can improve physical health, 
5. Have stronger social relationships, 
6. Act in ways that enhances the quality of their moments, days, and lives. 

(Source: Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make We Happier)

We can cultivate an attitude of gratitude in Islam by always being grateful so that the words “Alhamdulillah” naturally and continuously flow from our lips and are felt in our heart, and our life will increasingly become a shining example of true Islam, a path to peace, prosperity and abundance.

5 ways to practice gratitude in our life: 

1. Take a brief moment first thing in the morning when we wake up by reciting this dua: 

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَحْيَانَا بَعْدَ مَا أَمَاتَنَا وَإِلَيْهِ النُّشُورُ

"All praise be to Allah, who has given us life after death and to Him is our return after death". 

2.  Before going to bed be grateful by reciting Al-Baqarah: 285-286. 

3.  Experience gratitude by consciously recite dua after we eat and drink. 

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَطْعَمَنَا وَسَقَانَا وَجَعَلَنَا مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

"Praise be to Allah, who fed us and quenched our thirst and made us Muslims". 

4.   Recite this dua after coming out from toilet. 

غُفْرَانَكَ

"I seek Your pardon".

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ الَّذِي أَذْهَبَ عَنِّي الْأَذَى وَعَافَانِي

“Praise be to Allah who removed from me discomfort and gave me relief”. 

5.  Give charity. By consciously giving charity, we not only affirm that we are blessed, but we attract greater abundance to ourselves as we strengthen our belief and trust in Allah.

To conclude, one of the attributes of Allah is Ash-Shakur meaning that Allah is the most appreciative. So we should be grateful to the one who endows us with health, family, wealth, peace and security. By recognizing Allah’s bounties, our hearts will find contentment and peace. 

Give before you receive

I believe the more we give, the more we will get in return. Logical thinking would say that, when you give, for example money, your cash account will be reduced. But God works in mysterious ways.  He promises to reward those who give generously, so we should focus on finding ways to give even more. The reward will come whether we expect it or not. We should not expect any worldly returns out of giving. It should be done out of a sincere wish to help those in need.

Giving is not limited to money or material things. Many things can be considered giving. This is great because not everyone can afford to give money. But we can change other peoples’ lives by giving love, forgiveness, time or energy. 

We should start with giving to the family first. The least we can do is to forgive. Offer forgiveness to other important people in our lives, such as our spouse, siblings, other family members and friends. Once forgiveness is sincerely given, it’s like a burden has been lifted from our shoulders. It will be that much easier to enjoy life again. More importantly, it will be easier to love again.

Give before we receive. Show love to our spouses and we can expect better treatment. Spend loving times with the children before demanding their cooperation, obedience and respect. This requires patience and determination but the rewards will taste sweeter and last even longer.

The same strategy can also be applied to money. Most people wait to have a tidy sum before giving any away. Guess what? There’s always nothing left at the end of the month. Let’s try the “give first” strategy and experience the magic.

Trust that the returns will come one way or another.  In terms of family, the returns are in the form of a stronger relationship. Happiness will grow when we enjoy one another’s company. 

In short, the power of giving is too huge to ignore. Whether it’s money, love, forgiveness, time or energy, they are the catalysts towards creating a better world, not only for ourselves but also for others. Harness this power by giving. Don’t worry about what we are going to get but worry about whether we are giving enough.

Let's ponder the lyrics in this song

Awaken 

By: Maher Zain

We were given so many prizes
We changed the desert into oasis
We built buildings of different lengths and sizes
And we felt so very satisfied
We bought and bought
We couldn’t stop buying
We gave charity to the poor ’cause
We couldn’t stand their crying
We thought we paid our dues
But in fact

To ourselves we’re just lying
Oh

I’m walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I’m walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it’s easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We were told what to buy and we’d bought
We went to London, Paris and
We made show we were seen in the most exlusive shops
Yes we felt so very satisfied

We felt our money gave us infinite power
We forgot to teach our children about history and honor
We didn’t have any time to lose
When we were.. (were)
So busy feeling so satisfied

I’m walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I’m walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it’s easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

We became the visuals without a soul
despite the heat
Our homes felt so empty and cold
To fill the emptiness
We bought and bought
Maybe all the fancy cars
And bling will make us feel satisfied

My dear brother and sister
It’s time to change inside
Open your eyes
Don’t throw away what’s right aside
Before the day comes
When there’s nowhere to run and hide
Now ask yourself ’cause Allah’s watching you

Is He satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?
Is Allah satisfied?

Oh
I’m walking with my head lowered in shame from my place
I’m walking with my head lowered from my race
Yes it’s easy to blame everything on the west
When in fact all focus should be on ourselves

A good attitude is a great blessing

People are the mirror of individual. If he behaves well towards them, they will behave well towards him, so his nerves will be calmed, and he will be content, and he will fee that he is living in a friendly environment.

But if a person treats others badly and is harsh towards them, he will find that people treat him badly and in a rough and harsh manner. Whoever does not respect people will not be respected by them.

The one who has a good attitude will have more peace of mind and is less likely to be anxious and distressed or find himself in a painful situations. In addition to that, having good attitude is an act of worship to Allah, the Exalted, and is something that He encourages a great deal.

The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 

"The most beloved of you to me are those who are best in attitude and humble, who get along with people and people get along with them. The most disliked of you to me are those who walk around spreading malicious gossip and causing division between friends, those who seek out the faults of the innocent".

"The value of life is to live every minute of it"

Source:  You Can Be The Happiest Woman in the World: A Treasure Chest of Reminders by Dr. 'Aid al-Qarni.